Inspiration

Hello Internet Fam,

I was inspired while watching a YouTube video last night.

I was watching Tati Westbrook (GlamLifeGuru) on Youtube, and she was going a ChitChat Get Ready With Me Video, I’ll link the video in the post. (Tati’s Video!) It’s a 25 minute video, so I’ll just get right to the point: Don’t Give Up!

That was the message I got through her video. She goes on to explain that her channel hit a plateau, she wasn’t gaining anymore subscribers by posting 3 times a week. She decided to amp it up and post 5 days a week. Now, she’s going to be surpassing THREE MILLION subscribers. I personally think that is amazing.

What does that have to do with me you ask? Well, don’t quote me, but in the video she says something along the lines of “just keep going & trying, whether it’s a blog, youtube etc.” Her message was simple: don’t give up and you’ll get what you want and reach your goals.

I would love nothing more then to have people come to my blog and comment, ask questions, give feedback etc etc. I love writing and have a passion for it. I’m very much a home body so to start a successful blog that will support me and my puppy would be amazing. I’d eventually love to get into making YouTube videos. Being a homebody, these would be the perfect “career” options for me.

So, from here on out, I’m going to be working my hardest on my blog and actually make it a place people come to read things about my life and my opinions on things. Now, since it’s almost midnight here, tonight will NOT be the start of that.

Wish me luck on my endeavours.

Until next time,

 

Marina Longo

It’s been a while …

Hello my beautiful friends,

Marina here. It’s been a hot minute hasn’t it? I don’t even know where to begin… I don’t have a lot of updates, but I am really happy about the few I do have.

My first one: my job at the bank. Now, while I’m not going to disclose the bank I work for I will say that I absolutely love it. I couldn’t have picked a better company to work for.

I go into work every day and enjoy it. I’ve cut back my waitressing hours and prioritize the bank. There is so much to learn every shift. The training was definitely intimidating but I got through it. Having awesome co-workers helped. I really hope to gain a more permanent position with the bank and hopefully have the opportunity to become a Financial Advisor as well.

Second: my amazing boyfriend. We’ve been dating for almost 4 months and I couldn’t be happier with him. He’s been so amazing recently. He sits at the hospital with me for hours into the early morning (6am) even though he has to work. He rarely misses important doctors visits (surgeon appointments, etc) and he just hangs outs with me when I need him. He deals with my mood swings and psychotic episodes just fine. He never complains when I’m being a little b*tch. He’s only met my mom, but she seems o really like him.

It’s kind of funny because I used to work with him at Boston Pizza, and we kind of  had a thing last year but decided not to become an exclusive couple. We were both to busy at the time and couldn’t commit enough time to each other. Fast forward about a year, and we’re happily dating. I’m so glad we ended up waiting for each other.

And the biggest update: I’m getting another surgery. In case you didn’t know, I had Kienbock’s Disease in my right (dominant hand of course.) Now instead of going into detail I’m going to tell you to google it. It’s a complicated explanation to type out.

Now I’ve had one surgery before in hopes to relieve some of the pain. I have metal plates and screws in my wrist because my surgeon shortened my arm bone. Anyways, that worked for a little bit. That surgery was about a year and a half ago. Upon revisiting my surgeon, we decided to try a bone injection to relieve some pain. Again, that lasted for about a month and the pain returned.

I’m sure that if it was my left hand, I could manage it better. But because it’s my right hand, I use it literally all the time. I’m assuming that obviously doesn’t help the pain. So, as of right now my surgery is scheduled for July 21st 2017. I’m going to be getting my wrist fused together. My surgeon is going to remove a row of bones in my wrist. I will lose 50% of my range of motion. I’ve thought about this for a couple months, and I decided this was the best solution for me. My surgeon said that my “new wrist” will last me about 20-25 years until I need another surgery.

This was a big decision as I’m only 22, going to be 23 years old. Losing that amount of range of motion is obviously a big deal. The surgery is expected to relieve me of pain, about 85-90% which was more then enough for me. I watched many videos of people who have gotten the surgery and they can perform every day-to-day task they did before the operation. I’m not looking forward to the surgery itself, I’m looking forward to the few months after.

I guess that’s all I have for now. I don’t have anything new.

Until next time,

xoxo

Life

Hello my beautiful readers,

Wow it’s been a while. I feel like a foreigner. I don’t even know where to begin. So much has happened and there’s so much to tell.

First and foremost, I’d like to say that I’ve been very busy the past few months. Life has definitely thrown me a curve ball and I didn’t quite catch it.

On January 14, 2017 my beloved grandmother passed away at 4:20p.m. at University Hospital in London, Ontario. She had brain and lung cancer. Both were NOT terminal and she had basically beaten the lung cancer. She was scheduled January 13, 2017 for brain surgery to remove the brain tumour. Ironically enough, she died of pneumonia. It’s a type of pneumonia that cancer patients and other immunocompromised people are susceptible too. It’s kind of annoying that she died of a cancer-related complication rather than cancer itself. Did I mention she had already beaten bowel cancer? She was diagnosed in May of 2016 and after almost 2 weeks in hospital for breathing complications, she decided it was time to go.

I remember that morning so clearly. It doesn’t even feel like it’s been a month. It’s not a long story, I’m just not ready to share the story. All you need to know is that she went on her own terms. That afternoon when my mother & I arrived at the hospital, my grandma said she was tired and she was ready to go see her mom and her ex husband, also known as my grandfather. It was a very, very emotional day. She was surrounded by family from all over, Hamilton, Oakville to name a few. Gosh I didn’t expect writing this was going to be so hard.

I cried that afternoon but I stopped midway through and that was it. I didn’t cry the next day when I went to the funeral home, it just comes in waves. Sometimes I just start crying and I don’t really know why.

I’d like to silently thank all of the friends and family who were there for my grandmother that day.

Seriously though, FUCK CANCER.

Holiday Season

Hello my beautiful friends,

It’s Sunday afternoon and I’m currently at my dads again. I haven’t been here since August, and even then I was gimpy as heck. My step mother is currently baking, my dads out getting milk, and I’m writing this post.

I just wanted to jump on here quick and let the internet know that I couldn’t feel more lucky and more blessed to be in the family I’m in. I often hear horror stories of step moms and dads, and I think that could of been me. I could of gotten stuck with a step family from hell.

In reality, I could not have been more lucky to be introduced to such an amazing family inside and out. I’m feeling very fulfilled right now. I’m truly in a happy place which isn’t something I feel easily.

Fuck Stigmas

Hello my beautiful readers,

It’s 10:50PM here in Chatham, ON and despite the fact I took my night medication at 8:00PM tonight, I can’t sleep. This is a big deal considering they have just been increased to 100MG from 25MG. I’m not sure why I can’t sleep. Maybe it’s because I’m catching a cold and my nose is too stuffed up. (Probably the most likely reason). So I decided to jump on here and make a post.

So, long story short: I’ve been in a bit of a rut ever since August of 2016. Back in August, I was diagnosed with Mono (and no, it wasn’t from kissing too many boys) and I slept a lot. Almost all of August. My throat was so swollen, I couldn’t even eat a popsicle. That was just the beginning.

I guess I have to back track a little bit here, and start by saying I have a bone disease. It’s in my right wrist and it’s called Kienbock’s disease. Instead of me telling you what it is, google it. Way better explanation. I basically have a dead bone in my wrist. So, I’ve already had one operation on it and more will come in the future. Needless to say, my right wrist (also my dominant hand, of course) is very fragile and I still can’t lift heavy things or move it the same way I could before the surgery. This was diagnosed in November 2015.

Fast forward back to August 2015. I was going to visit my dad for his birthday on the 26th of August. Since I had mono, I was going to be taking the train to Oakville because I couldn’t make the 3 hour drive without falling asleep. Way to big of a risk. So, as I was getting ready to leave in the morning, my little puppy decided he’d try and escape. Of course, being the scared momma I am, I panicked and went to run after him. Turns out that was an awful idea because I fell out the door, full force, on  the concrete that is my front porch. Now, I didn’t immediately feel pain. I was more concerned about my bonehead dog getting killed by a car or something. Once Loki was safe and sound inside, I started bawling. My wrist was in an excrutiating pain, I also couldn’t move it. My mom gave me some Oxycocet for the train ride and some Tylenol 3’s for the weekend. I took them, and slept for the whole train ride.

Now, when I came home, I should of gone to the hospital but I waited. Fast forward a few days, and I was in the E.R. The doctor didn’t want to do anything because I had an appointment with my surgeon who is my lead for my wrist. Long story short: I ended up in a cast for 2 months. I got my cast off October 27th.

Now, as you can guess I didn’t work for 3 full months. This put a major damper on my finances. I like to think I’m fairly good with my money, and I work a lot so I’m never too concerned. I handle my OSAP money well, etc. Let me tell you, nothing prepared me for this. I paid off some bills when my OSAP came in, and went on my merry way. Never did I imagine being taken off work.

Ever since I went to university in September 2012, I’ve been financially independent. My parents don’t pay for my tuition, phone bill, textbooks, rent etc. I’ve also never had to ask. Sure, every once in a while my parents would pay for groceries or something but never to an extreme. I’ve always been proud of that. So, it takes a heck of a lot for me to ask my parents for money. As you can guess, I didn’t ask them for help the whole 3 months I was off, which I now realize was a mistake.

So, my bills got further and further behind. I always made sure I could pay for my car and my car insurance. Without those, then I’d really be screwed. The stress just got higher and higher and my mood got lower and lower.

I guess now would be a good time to mention that I have a history of depression and anxiety. And no, it is not self diagnosed with WebMD. Several doctors have diagnosed me, thank you very much. With this history comes self harm and an eating disorder. I remember when I weighed 90 pounds because I never ate. It was unhealthy and I looked sick. Wow, I’m just telling you guys everything tonight huh? Maybe I’ll have to make this a two part post…. hm….

Anyways, now that I’m older I recognize when I’m starting to go back into my dark place. I do take anti depressants, but those can only do so much. I take 20MG of Cipralex, which isn’t high at all and I’d prefer to keep it that way. I know when I’m starting to get to my breaking point and I fix it.

I wasn’t able to fix it this time.

Now that you have an insight on my past with depression, anxiety, self harm, eating disorder and insomnia, I feel like now is a good time to conclude. I wanted to make this all one post, but it only feels right that you know my history and then what I originally wanted to post, which is about stigmas associated with mental health.

I really need to get some sleep despite not being able too.

Talk to you later.

Finding Myself

Hello my beautiful friends,

I’m currently on a journey to find myself. Now, I know there is going to be some readers who think I’m crazy. However, if anybody else is feeling how I am, continue reading.

A lot of bad things have happened to me, and no I’m not going to open up yet and explain all of them, just know my life has been a roller coaster, particularly with a lot of dives. It’s impacted me more then I realized. Up until now.

I’ve now come to the realization that I’m more negative, more pessimistic, angry, agitated, the list can go on. I haven’t become a bad person, I’m still a happy woman. I’m just more snappy, and just not a nice person overall.

Starting yesterday, I’m going to work on becoming a better Marina. I’m starting my journey. Now, this idea hasn’t come into my head on my own. I follow a wonderful person named Marissa Lace. (You can find her on Instagram, YouTube, Twitter.) Anyways, last year she started the #YearOfYou. I followed her journey all year, but never felt truly inspired to start my own journey. She has posted so many books, journals, etc throughout the year and I’ve always thought to myself “I should really try some of these books” but I never felt truly ready.

Now I do. I’m going to rock this. I’m going to find myself and become a more spiritual person. I believe in the healing qualities of crystals, self help books, etc. I believe that you can do this on your own. You just need to have positive thoughts. Negativity attracts negativity. So, January 1st, 2017 I will be starting my own #YearOfYou. I will document my journey the entire year. I will do what makes me happy, and if something doesn’t make me happy, I’m not going to do it.

I will be starting to read books and obtain crystals for the remainder of this year. I will be doing all my research to find the best tools to make my #YearOfYou successful.

I invite all of you to stick around and follow me on my journey! I hope I can inspire people and spread happiness and joy in the universe.

Ta-Ta for now,

Marina

Time to Rock

Hello my beautiful friends,

I have such good news! My cast is off! YAAAAAAAAAY.

Now, for those of you who have never had a cast, I don’t expect you to understand the happiness that comes with getting a cast taken off, but for those of you who HAVE had a cast, you feel my excitement.

It was on my right wrist, which of course is my dominant hand. So, it’s even more exciting to have full use of my body again. My WHOLE body. I’m going to enjoy this while it lasts.

I’m so happy to be going back to work for the first time since August 3. That’s over a month. It’s been a major struggle in my life recently. However, it allowed me to spend some quality time with my family because I couldn’t work. I start work again next week, thankfully, after midterms are done. I can resume a normal routine of school, work, eat, sleep. It’s going to get very busy but I can’t wait. I mean, realistically, within two weeks of working again, I’ll probably wish for another break.

I like to take on a lot of things at once, so I’ll be working tons of shifts while going to school everyday. I’ll have to create a schedule once I get more settled into a routine. Included in that routine will be active postings on my blog. I may not have a good following, but I’m not giving up.

Until next time,

Marina

Can’t Keep A Schedule

Hello my beautiful friends,

I can’t keep a schedule on here. I truly want to write blog posts, even if I have a limited following. For me, this is an outlet. For me, I can say everything I’m feeling and I know there will be other feeling the same way as me.

I hope that my blog can help somebody. I don’t care how it helps them. But let’s say I write about an experience I’ve had, and how I dealt with it and got through it… and someone stumbles across this blog, and can relate to it. I truly hope that they can connect with me. I want people to know YOU ARENT ALONE. I want people to comment on my posts, I’ll reply to every one that I can.

So, I promise that as soon as my cast comes off on Thursday (the 27th) I will post at least 3 times a week. I’m finally done with midterms for school so I can take a breather.

Note: studying law sometimes sucks. It’s crazy demanding.

Anyways, I’m about to head to bed. I have a big day tomorrow (mock jury for a trial)

Have a lovely night wherever you are 🙂

Should You Feel Bad?

Good morning my Internet friends,

It’s currently 10:56AM here in Chatham, Ontario. I haven’t been feeling inspired to write recently. I’m not one of those people that is going to force themselves to do something either.

SO, here I am. And I’m not inspired to write anything uplifting or happy. I’m feeling rather blue today. Now, as I’m in a cast on my right hand, which of course, is my dominant, this post will not be long. I just have to get the internet’s opinion.

Should I feel bad about my feelings? If I’m feeling negatively towards a loved one, no matter what the circumstance, should I feel bad?

I don’t think so. My feelings are my feelings, and I’m never going to apologize for the way I feel. Even if others don’t understand it. I don’t voice these negative emotions because I don’t want to hurt someones feelings, but I do feel them regardless.

So, why should I feel bad?

I don’t.